Among the most painful and disappointing experiences for parents is having their child run away from home. A child who, while still living at home, is lazy, neglects their studies, argues with parents, lacks harmony with siblings, and lives without discipline—how can such a child survive once they leave home? The clear answer is that they will be unprotected and easily lured into harmful environments. If they don’t find a way back, their future may be tied to crime, with prison or the grave as their destination.
A child might impulsively run away for a few days or weeks and return, but even that brief absence can leave deep psychological wounds—let alone those who never come back. A study shows that 70% of runaway teens left home due to impulsiveness and momentary emotions. Many left without preparation or a clear plan about where to go, where to sleep, or how to survive.
To bring a runaway child back requires cooperation and a willingness to listen—on both sides: parents and child. Based on my experience in psychology, it’s often easier for a professional to bring the child home than it is to help parents welcome the child back. This is especially challenging in Vietnamese culture, where saving face is a strong value.
WHY DO CHILDREN RUN AWAY?
Runaway teens are usually between 13 and 17 years old. Their reasons vary—conflicts in the family, educational struggles, parental behavior, peer pressure, or substance abuse. Many parents do not pay enough attention to their children’s daily lives and social interactions. They’re often shocked when the child they cherished and had high hopes for turns out to be involved in drugs. This becomes a painful wake-up call for those who neglected their child’s emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs.
COMMON REASONS FOR RUNNING AWAY
1. Escaping a difficult home environment:
- Abuse or abandonment:
Some children flee from physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, or from being neglected. - Parental conflict:
Constant fights between parents, or discord among family members, can leave a child feeling unsafe and unsupported. - Financial hardship:
Some children run away due to poverty or even homelessness. Their father may be an addict or irresponsible, their mother may be lazy, and the household may be in continuous need.
2. Mental health struggles:
- Depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions can severely influence how adolescents think. They may believe that the only way out of their situation is to run away. Some even consider suicide as an escape.
3. Abuse:
- In cases of physical or verbal abuse, neglect, or sexual exploitation, many teens choose to escape from such daily horrors.
4. Peer pressure and social influences:
- Some are persuaded or encouraged by friends or romantic partners to run away, chasing after affection or dreams.
- Others fear being rejected or isolated by their peers and fall into drugs or alcohol. Running away becomes a misguided way to seek social acceptance.
STATISTICS
From 1995 to 2010, the following trends were observed among runaway teens:
- 47% had conflicts with parents or guardians.
- 50% were either kicked out or ignored by their parents.
- 80% of runaway girls were sexually or physically abused.
- 34% of both boys and girls were sexually abused.
- 43% experienced physical abuse before running away.
These numbers show that most runaway teens live in unsafe environments—subject to insults, humiliation, sexual assault, or abuse.
When parents kick children out or ignore them, whether while they are at home or away, it sends the message that the children’s presence doesn’t matter. In truth, teens run away because they are lacking love, emotional support, and parental care. What they need most is a warm, loving family environment.
HOW TO RESPOND
When your child runs away:
The first and most important step is to ensure their safety. Parents should report the incident to authorities like the police and volunteer agencies that help locate missing persons. Also, try reaching out to your child’s friends—they often know where the child is and what they’re doing.
Parents should not let shame prevent them from asking for help. This is not the time to handle things alone—it’s time to seek professional support.
However, the more difficult challenge is keeping the child home after they return. As I’ve experienced, psychologists and educators may help bring children back, but helping parents accept them again and rebuild a working relationship is far more difficult. Often, it requires parents to admit mistakes, adjust their parenting style, and most importantly—learn to understand, sympathize with, and support their child.
Prevention is better than cure:
To prevent such painful circumstances, parents must spend more time with their children—especially during adolescence, a time of major physical and psychological changes. Stay engaged with your child’s education, friendships, and how they spend time, especially alone or outside the home.
Get to know their friends. Encourage your child to participate in healthy social activities and develop skills instead of being passive or isolated.
Each child is a unique world, and parents must take time to understand and support that world. Never criticize, compare, or belittle one child in favor of another.
Above all, a healthy home atmosphere, loving parental care, and good moral values are essential for a young person to grow up and mature. Never create conditions that push your child away from the family. Remember—the dangerous world outside is always ready to welcome your child with open arms.
— Trần Mỹ Duyệt, Ph.D in Psychology
Source: